I find a fatal flaw, in the logic of love.

But now fightings a part of baby's romance.

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:36:00 GMT

I am so bitter and angry. It's ridiculous. I am wearing myself out.

I only live in the past and future, and my existence is solely devoted to thinking about what will happen next and thinking about what has happened before. The present is useless because it holds no extension over my senses.

Everything is my own fault.

If you let me have my way,

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 06:48:34 GMT

I swear I'll tear you apart.

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 03:57:11 GMT

Big girl, you are beautiful. *sigh*.

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:05:00 GMT

I don't want to feel anything.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 23:17:36 GMT

I don't like you right now, and I think it's because everytime we've broken up, you make it so apparent, and post so many bulletins begging for girls attention. And yes, it bothers me, because do you really need to know that there are other girls very willing to be on your dick?

We both know they exist, but why do you need the constant reminder?

You're not my sharkbearhippo any more.

Ehhhh...

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 01:40:25 GMT

Things have been good. The semester at HVCC is ending.

I went to Brian's show Saturday and it was fun. Grace came with me. =]

Oh yeah, if you know me, and refer to me by my MySpace name..you're ridiculous. I am not my MySpace.

I have a name.

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:49:54 GMT

You're a fucking lying asshole. And I want to hate you so bad.

ldgnakhnak

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:41:26 GMT

I do not consider this poetry. Just nice senteces that mesh well together. Enjoy.

I am a mess, filled with cigarettes.
A ticking time bomb, if you will.
I am more than you bargained for in any situation.

My nights are spent analyzing every word, every gesture.
I misinterpret and reinterpret to my hearts content.

"Don't let your imagination run wild" is a broken rule in my book.

My modesty is my downfall.
Get some confidence! Get a backbone!

I have dreams and ambitions!

But, I digress,
I will never succeed because I'm too tied down to this city.
This dead end street.

You gotta help me out!

I rely to much on other people,
but it's hard to rely on yourself when
there's not much to rely on.

One day, I woke up and realized..

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 22:17:32 GMT

I've never wanted to put a bullet in my brain as bad as I do now.

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 03:02:59 GMT

My life is falling apart.

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 02:49:24 GMT

I cannot voice my emotions like I should be able to.

This will probably lead to my demise.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:01:58 GMT

So, schools almost over and I'm grateful. I don't think I want to go back next year. I'm looking into the GED program at Hudson Valley, because it'll process you into the college after you get the GED.

I'm in a constant battle with myself over whether I should take my medication or not. I'm getting moody, and I haven't been taking them on the weekends. I dunno. I just wanna stay stable because I don't want to lose the person I love over something stupid.

I've been with Brian for almost 5 months, or almost 6 if you count unofficially. :]].

He makes me...really happy.

Nothing Gets Crossed Out

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:47:56 GMT

" Well the future's got me worried such awful thoughts
My head's a carousel of pictures, the spinning never stops
I just want someone to walk in front
And I'll follow the leader
Like when I fell under the weight of a schoolboy crush
Started carrying her books and doing lots of drugs
I almost forgot who I was
But came to my senses

Now I'm trying to be assertive, I'm making plans
Want to rise to the occasion, yeah meet all their demands
But all I do is just lay in bed
And hide under the covers

Yeah I know I should be brave
But I'm just too afraid of all this change

And it's too hard to focus through all this doubt
I keep making this to-do list but nothing gets crossed out
Working on the record seems pointless now
When the world ends who's gonna hear it?

But I'm trying to take some comfort in written words
Yeah Tim, I heard your album and it's better than good
When you get off tour I think we should
Hang and black out together

Cause I've been feeling sentimental for days gone by
All those summers singing, drinking, my friend, wasting our time
Remember all those songs and the way we smiled
In those basements made of music?

But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all
I'm not as strong as I thought

So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope that you'll pick me out
I long to be found, the grass grew high, I laid down
Now I'll wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand
I've been laying so long, don't wanna lay here no more
Don't wanna lay here no more, don't wanna lay here no more

Everything that happens is supposed to be
And it's all pre-determined, can't change your destiny
Guess I'll just keep moving, someday maybe
I'll get to where I'm going "

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 03:50:16 GMT

I wish words came easy like my emotions do. Maybe then I'd be able to write this entry.

I'm so scared and anxious, but so happy at the same time.I blame myself for everything which can't, err, isn't healthy. At all. I wish I wasn't so goddamned insecure.

But, to be quite honest, I'm happier than I have been in a very VERY long time. Thanks to a certain someone.

I can't think of anything relevant enough to type.

P.S.

I love you.

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 06:53:26 GMT

I think too much and I do too little.

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 11:35:53 GMT

Dear you , I am completley and utterly in love with you.

Love, me.

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:16:56 GMT

I am so sick of dumb bitches starting shit. Seriously, shut your fucking mouth, you manipulative cunt. 'Kaythanksss.

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 23:38:50 GMT

Oh..my...goodness.

That is all.

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 15:46:34 GMT

Things have been going so much better. I wish I had the urge to actually update. I'm going to Albany later to hangout with Brian. Hopefully I won't bore him.

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 18:29:30 GMT

I love Brian, for'realzies.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 13:24:10 GMT

Things are fucked. I need to meet more people like Robyn.

Yeah. Wooo. <3remo is fucking cute, incase you all didn't know.

I don't goto school really anymore. I can't deal.

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 11:06:15 GMT

I am now on 600mg of lithium.

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 03:29:57 GMT

I wrote a poem today as I was just kinda hovering from place to place.

I am a fiend, I am a junkie.
I am a zombie in a sea of smiling faces.

To be completely alone in a hallway of hundreds of people is a tedious task.

I'm shaking and seizuring behind my eyelids. This constant battle against my own body is becoming tiresome.

My movements are slow.

Am I dead?

I don't have the energy to do this zombie shuffle anymore.
My limbs are filled with cyanide, my chest is filled with anthrax.

Every breath is a revolution and I am the gestapo.

This poem was pill induced. Fuck anti-depressants.

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 02:40:37 GMT

Chocolate syrup worthy, really.

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 23:51:52 GMT

Dear you,

I really like you.

"

Oh it's so embarrasing

I'm this awkward and uncomprable thing,

and I'm running out of places to hide"